Hal Cruttenden - Stand Up, Writer, Actor

The Edinburgh Festival finished on Monday and, after believing I would be constantly posting from up there, I actually only published one blog during the whole thing. Sorry about that.

Overall, it was worth the financial pain and separation from the family. The stand up show came together very well (Four stars in ‘The Scotsman’,) and has inspired me now to get writing a new show (probably not for Edinburgh again - I really miss the kids too much) and the play has completely resurrected my acting career. ‘George Orwell’s Coming Up for Air’ looks like it will get some sort of decent London run and the reviews were beyond my wildest dreams. The Guardian did review it so thankfully I can remain a loyal reader. Lyn Gardner strangely only gave it three stars without seeming to really make any criticisms but she was lovely about me so, of course, all is forgiven. Here is the review

To tell you the truth there is nothing quite like appearing in a paper you really love and them describing your performance as ‘perfectly judged’. She goes on,

‘Cruttenden doesn’t so much play glumly respectable middle-aged, middle-income insurance salesman George Bowling as inhabit him. Discontent and regret ooze out of every pore; his body looks saggy and lumpy, like an unloved sofa.’

I will overlook the description of my body as saggy and lumpy, like a sofa. It is not. My body is best described as ‘fit fat’ - months of spinning at the gym have not reduced my stomach but turned it into a hard mass of muscle, with some fat bits between the ridges. Do you remember Lou Carpenter in Neighbours? I used to watch that in my twenties and his ageing body was what I’ve always aimed for and that seems to be the one I’m getting. Stocky but firm. The fact I used to think like this reflects how empty my twenties were. While I will defend my body as not saggy and lumpy, my face of course is a big fat disgrace.

Alongside the Guardian the play got 5 star reviews in ‘The Mirror’, ‘Edinburgh Guide’, ‘Scotsgay’, and four stars in the ‘Daily Mail’, ‘The Times’, ‘The Sunday Times’, ‘Sunday Telegraph’, ‘Daily Telegraph’, ‘The Independent’. Tellingly, the only bad review was in The Edinburgh Evening News and The Scotsman didn’t review it - meaning I was not eligible for a Fringe First. The treatment of the play by the Scottish papers makes me even more certain of the desirability of Scottish independence. Having said that, the Scottish Culture Minister Linda Fabiani, also came to see it and raved about me in The Herald so I should curb my anti-Scottishness Despite the fact we had no Scotsman review but loads of national ones we sold extremely well. Most importantly, Dawn came up and saw it. She came round afterwards with tears in her eyes telling me how proud she was and how she found the whole piece so moving because she could see so many similarities between my life and George Bowling’s. Considering George Bowling is seven years older than me, is completely dissatisfied with his existence and is going through some sort of mid-life crisis, I’m not sure it’s that good that she sees me as close to the character.

I’m very taken up with acting and theatre at the moment. I went to see my sister, Abbie, in ‘Afterlife’ at the National Theatre on Thursday and loved it. She is the real full time actor of the family and was absolutely superb. My living is of course mainly in stand up comedy but I think the next year will see further acting opportunities. After all I still owe my mum for the three years at drama school. I should probably do something that reflects my training.