Crime
On Sunday night a drunk driver smashed into mine and Dawn’s parked cars outside our house. Dawn’s car is a write off and they’ve yet to check out whether mine is salvageable. Whenever these things happen I realise that despite being liberal on many criminal justice issues, when I’m personally affected by crime I becoming a reactionary old fart. Dawn always says that she believes drunk drivers should be imprisoned just for being over the limit. I used to disagree and believed that drink driving is not a crime of malice but of thoughtlessness. Now our cars have been affected I want the bastard decapitated and his head stuck on a pike in the high street. That would liven up suburban Enfield. Having said that, we don’t know who the guy is because it wasn’t his car. He was driving home an even more drunk woman in the passenger seat, who owned the car. I feel really sorry for her because her insurance is having to pay out and she’d only met him that night and can’t get hold of him.
Dawn says at least was no one was hurt. People always do that don’t they? An annoying thing happens and they try and make everyone feel better by imagining how bad it could have been. I just imagine how nice it would have been if the annoying thing hadn’t happened at all! Actually Dawn’s very selective about how she applies this rule of ‘imagine how bad it could have been’. I was being lazy and crap one day and she was having a go at me. I said, ‘Imagine how bad I could have been. You could have married a serial killer. Be thankful your just having to deal with a lazy husband and aren’t buried under the patio.’ This was not a good tactic. The spare room’s very comfy though.
As ever, I’ve been busy so my blog is getting more and more infrequent. At the moment, I’m consumed by writing my stand up show for Edinburgh, writing sketches for Omid’s show, gigging all over the country, sorting out my CD and doing preliminary work on a play I’m going to be doing in Edinburgh. It looks like I’m going to be doing a monologue adapted from George Orwell’s book, ‘Coming Up For Air’ at 11 am and then peforming my stand up show at 8pm every evening. At least they’re both at the Assembly Rooms I’ll also be trying to fit in as many extra gigs for publicity purposes. I’ll be exhausted. If I die at least I’ll have gone down in the great tradition of showbiz people, ie. desperately trying to further my career.
The Montreal line up’s been semi announced. Matt Kirshen’s going which is great and Danny Bhoy. Omid’s doing his solo show over there and Russell Brand’s appearing. I’ve only met him once before but he seemed very nice then. All in all it should be a good trip in July.
Tags: Assembly Rooms, Car crash, CD, crime, Danny Bhoy, Edinburgh, Matt Kirshen, Montreal Just for Laughs, Omid Djalili, Russell Brand