Hal Cruttenden - Stand Up, Writer, Actor

I saw ‘The King’s Speech’ the other night. Lovely, lovely film but I am wondering how many more films are going to be made about the trials and tribulations of monarchy. I can’t help thinking that something sympathetic to Henry VIII will soon be released. The story of his struggle with weight gain and his torment as the women he thought loved him turn out to be ugly old crones or treasonous sluts.  I’d be fabulous in the role if anyone’s casting it by the way.

The New Year began with a trip to Mumbai to play the Comedy Store. These gigs were the perfect antidote to the rough and tumble of my pre-Christmas in Manchester. In Mumbai, you don’t have to battle against drunken Brits who are constantly seeking to make the show about them when obviously it works best when it’s all about me!!! Indian audiences are lovely and the fact that stand up is so new to them makes the shows really exciting. Mumbai itself is one of those cities where just walking down the street is interesting. I have never been to a place that is so busy on every night of the week. There is huge poverty but it’s quite uplifting the way people survive with so little. I’m not trying to sound like a Tory MP who wants to dismantle the welfare state but it did make British poverty look trifling. Anyway, I’m hoping to be asked back soon because there are many bits that I haven’t seen and travelling doesn’t just broaden the mind, it increases the comedy material.

I’m making a very late New year’s resolution to stay on top of my website more. The gigs page is often empty when in fact I work about five or six nights a week and forget to update people. If you ever find it empty, check out my page on Chortle which is usually fairly accurate about where I can be found.

I’ve not really made any other New Year resolutions apart from the usual ones about being less neurotic and trying not to talk about myself too much. At least I’m in the right profession. Being self-obsessed would be awful in some jobs:

Policeman: Can you tell me where you were on the night of the murder?

Suspect: I was in a club called Lateleys.

Policeman: Oh I used to go there when I was at college. We had some nights drinking ’till two in the morning etc etc blah blah blah, me, me, me……

Or the Samaritans…

‘So your partner’s left you and you’re trying to bring up three kids on your own. That’s really tough…..anyway, back to me etc etc……’

Happy belated New Year everyone!