Valentine’s day was my tenth wedding anniversary. It sounds like I’m old but I was, of course, a child bride.
To be married ten years in the showbiz world is twenty-five in human years. I’m very proud of myself and Dawn. Being married to a comedian, it’s been easy for her . She lives in a non-stop world of hilarity supplied by her cheeky-chappy hubby. It’s a twenty-four hour laughathon in our house with each day like another episode in a great sitcom: ‘Hal has to load the dishwasher – with hilarious results’; ‘The cat brings in a mouse and chaos ensues’; ‘Hal decides to take the kids swimming and nearly drowns himself.’
Of course life is not at all like this. Comics are racked with the insecurities that go with the job. When we’re not moaning about the state of our career, who owes us money or our lack of new material, we’re spending long periods away from home. I’m trying to cut down the travel at the moment (I am writing this from a hotel room in Birmingham so it’s not going that well). I am staying in London for most of the year, apart from a couple of trips abroad (India for the Comedy Store!), because I know that I have a small tour being booked for the end of the year and I’d rather not be doing a club in an area two weeks before I appear there in my own show.
Anyway, back to my marriage. Even when I’m not away I’m constantly fretting about stuff. Dawn has been woken at 2.30 am for me to try out material. When she doesn’t laugh, she gets blamed for being a bad audience. To tell you the truth, I think she’s trying to sabotage me. A few days ago I told her a joke that made her roar with laughter – then I tried it onstage last night and it got nothing! Yes I’m actually blaming her for my joke not working. Can you see how I may be hard to live with? I don’t want to divulge too much more about my marriage. If she ever leaves (or murders me) some of this stuff could be used in court to justify her actions.
For the actual anniversary, we stayed at the Soho Hotel in London. We watched ‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s‘ (Dawn’s favourite film – I’m not that camp) in their little cinema and then had a lovely meal in the restaurant. We got dessert sent up to the room – not for the obvious reason but because I didn’t want to miss Gordon Brown being interviewed by Piers Morgan. I know – I’m a hopeless romantic. Gordon Brown’s interview was fascinating. David Cameron has suggested he wouldn’t do such a thing but I do seem to remember a webcam broadcast of him messing about in the kitchen with his kids a few years ago – so he’s prostituted his personal life just as much. I can’t decide whether it’s the politicians’ fault that we have to be manipulated in this way or whether we should blame the British people, who refuse to properly research our current political situation (or even read a braodsheet newspaper!), and so have to be engaged with on a more emotional and manipulative level.
Oh well, I have to go. I’m being moved to a different room because they seem to be still building the hotel outside the room I’m in. I never used to moan about stuff like that – I must be getting really old now!
